Lultastic. I'm at .75. What's your Waist-Hip-Ratio?
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I wanna make a lot of progress today on my project, I really do, so I'm going to stop this here.
- Music:Dizzee Rascal - Fix Up Look Sharp
It was really depressing to see this man aiming to bring peace to the world almost secularly. He was inspired by his faith to just reach everybody, no matter what religion, where you're from, how old you are. And what'd the human race do? Inspire conflict. He appeared to the people outside his window less than 2 days before he died, his speech and motor skills gone. And what does the world do? Delve into more unrest.
Upsetting. I just hope that if the influence of someone with pure, ethical, just intentions doesn't penetrate, the human race will just get tired of suffering.
- Music:Domingo com Faustao
BOS215 ORG BEHAVIOR 1 A
BOS250 QUANTITATIVE METHODS 1 A
FRN102 ELEMENTARY FRENCH II 1 B+
MAT109 CALCULUS 1 1 A
HONORS LIST
And what?
Have I been desensitized? I tried to rationalize it with the fact that she was on a stage and I was in seats, and I tried not to think of all the disgusting things I've said for a laugh and laughed at, all the gory things I've seen on TV but never assessed the gravity of, and wondered if I cried for all the wrong things. Every trite thing I put emphasis upon - but is it all really trite? Do you have to go through some traumatic experience to feel inadequate and self-loathing? I know there are things I used to cry about that I should never have, but for the first time in a long time all of my problems with myself are resurfacing. Am I trying to empathize with someone whose life will always be a little bit harder than mine? I felt so bad, so selfish when I asked myself that on the walk home, and suddenly I was a girl I had almost forgotten. -- I tend to forget what I look like until I see myself in the mirror. I tend to pretend my face is actually shaped differently when I haven't seen myself for some hours, and I still manage to always be surprised when pictures of me don't come out like I expect them to, or when I walk past a window reflection and I'm not as slim as I am when I pose in front of my full-body mirror. I feel sick. I feel inadequate. I feel like I can relate to her, though my life has been wonderful. I feel ungrateful.
And fucking hell, I'm crying now, about me. About how I wanted to cry before, about how I've learned to hide how I feel about myself (If I tell myself I'm hot enough I will be hot), about how I don't care unless it's about me, about how I know I'm the only one holding myself back from everything I want.
Woah, it feels like it's been a lot longer than it actually has. I'm actually pretty happy, with a mix of tired and frustrated in between. I got to school on Saturday, August 19th, only to find that I had a disgustingly tiny room while I had packed for a double without a roommate. Pretty wack, right? So I complain and complain, and after nearly a week's worth of my mom being here, I get a single in the basement. Bless her so much, she set everything up for me in both rooms before she left, and she's been calling me so much lately, but I've been so busy. :c
Uhm, so orientation training was long and desperately boring without a computer or much access to my mother while she was here. One of the RAM slots on my pc died; luckily the RAM didn't, but I ended up paying someone else 70$ because I was too busy/lazy to figure it out myself. Also, I more than likely needed someone else's computer to figure out what the retarded beeping noise was - it was devastating to not have my computer for that nearly full week. Orientation finally happened, and it was all sorts of interesting and tiring. Thankfully my residents and Devika, my partner, are super hella great, and we all bonded significantly in that week. Most of us, at least; there's always going to be that one that sorta just goes off to parties and friends whenever she can/wants. Two of the guys took me out to parties one night, we had some beers and talked about all sorts of random stuff, it was adorable. And NO hangover the next night! I saw Mike on campus; no one from the internet has ever moved closer to me before, especially someone I've met in person before this move, and seeing Mike in a campus setting bridges the gap a bit. Weird, but cool. This is such a good school.
First day of classes was today. I really like getting all my classes out of the way by the time it's still daylight - and I get a nice little space for lunch! And I love the idea of having two days free in between my sets of classes. On the flipside, I really friggin hate buying textbooks. I'm about to spend 320$ on textbooks, and I've got it great compared to what some kids are spending.
I am estranged from loads of my friends. Well, loads, there were really only 5. 3.5 of them I trust with my whole heart still. I don't know, it'll all get sorted soon enough. On the other side, I've gotten closer to a couple of people, and that's cool, but I don't think we'll ever click like I did with those few. Oh well, I've still got my mommy.
Love life!
Uhm, so orientation training was long and desperately boring without a computer or much access to my mother while she was here. One of the RAM slots on my pc died; luckily the RAM didn't, but I ended up paying someone else 70$ because I was too busy/lazy to figure it out myself. Also, I more than likely needed someone else's computer to figure out what the retarded beeping noise was - it was devastating to not have my computer for that nearly full week. Orientation finally happened, and it was all sorts of interesting and tiring. Thankfully my residents and Devika, my partner, are super hella great, and we all bonded significantly in that week. Most of us, at least; there's always going to be that one that sorta just goes off to parties and friends whenever she can/wants. Two of the guys took me out to parties one night, we had some beers and talked about all sorts of random stuff, it was adorable. And NO hangover the next night! I saw Mike on campus; no one from the internet has ever moved closer to me before, especially someone I've met in person before this move, and seeing Mike in a campus setting bridges the gap a bit. Weird, but cool. This is such a good school.
First day of classes was today. I really like getting all my classes out of the way by the time it's still daylight - and I get a nice little space for lunch! And I love the idea of having two days free in between my sets of classes. On the flipside, I really friggin hate buying textbooks. I'm about to spend 320$ on textbooks, and I've got it great compared to what some kids are spending.
I am estranged from loads of my friends. Well, loads, there were really only 5. 3.5 of them I trust with my whole heart still. I don't know, it'll all get sorted soon enough. On the other side, I've gotten closer to a couple of people, and that's cool, but I don't think we'll ever click like I did with those few. Oh well, I've still got my mommy.
Love life!
- Music:Coheed and Cambria - Ten Speed (of God's Blood and Burial)
 | VoicePost  570K 2:54 | “So I'm pretty excited because today has been like the best day... ever! [laugh] Um... So it starts out I wake up at some ridiculously early hour and I talk to Sam for a little bit and then he goes out. Eat breakfast with mommy, hang out with mommy a little bit, come back and clean my room, and um, which took like an hour and it's not even fully cleaned yet. But you know, at least it's bearable and so much cleaner than it was before. But you know, it gets better because then I sit down and pay some bills and cancel some subscriptions or whatever, money stuff, but the best part is that I finally signed up for my Stafford loans. My student loans, yeeh... they're a little big but they're important. I really think I might use them towards a new laptop, a new really amazing, great laptop, now that I have the funds. And it was really important because it was due in like, three days... so, you know, I'm glad I got that out of the way. I hate deadlines because they stress me out, not visibly but, you know, they're always on my mind so I'm really glad I got over, got done with that. And uh, then um tomorrow's my mom's boyfriend's birthday and this is the last Sunday I'm gonna be here before I move back to school, so... we had like a mini party or well, we're having it, it's more for him than for me. But he strolls on in, my mom's boyfriend, into my room and he's like, 'Well, let me look at your phone.' And I'm like 'Ok, why?' And he goes, 'Um, this phone is crap.' and he pulls out this pink Razr which I'm talking on right now and he just hands it to me and he's like 'Switch the, switch the sim cards and you can have it.' And it's so cool. I mean, I hate to be a consumer whore, I kinda hate to lend myself to the majority, but this is such a nice phone. [laugh] I love it. And I just thought I needed to update my LiveJournal to let everybody know that I'm havin' an awesome day and I hope you guys are too. Prolly gonna talk to Sam for the rest of the night. I have my last two days of work tomorrow and Tuesday and then the rest of the week is gonna be spent getting ready for college on Saturday! I'm kind of excited, kinda nervous. Hmm, that's about it.” Transcribed by: ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} raincloudboy |
A couple of wild and crazy things have been happening; I came in 40 minutes late to work today because I overslept/talked to Sam, but I still manage to look absolutely dashing. I had an absolutely insane dream, perhaps because I left my Mp3 player playing all night at a low but audible volume. I think it started with me and two old people (related to me somehow) walking up some strangely midwestern-looking road trying to go upstate. Cars were passing us by but we refused to hitch a ride. I was younger, and I think I had blonde hair. We turned around and started heading back ("We're never going to get to your aunt's house like this"), and soon we were in some crazy apartment with sparse decoration and lots of linoleum but very big. There were lots more old people, either related to me or Sam, but they were around a surprisingly small table playing cards. When I was around them, I was small, perhaps even a single digit age. But Sam had his own room, and I would be my age when I was in there. We didn't talk a lot, he seemed a lot more timid than I presume he actually is; I couldn't tell if he was nervous or bored. I looked out his window and it was the view out of TEAK's computer lab. I'll take a picture. The wildest part was that there were old couples in trenchcoats throwing themselves off of ledges lower than ours. They fell in slow motion onto cars and onto the otherwise barren street, then they'd get up and laugh and hug each other. I remember seeing a woman's nose start bleeding (even though she fell on her back?) and I was sure she was dead, so I was mortified, but her husband fell face first and then got up. She got up too and they shared like the deepest moment of their entire lives, it was frightening. Anyway, I felt depressingly distant from Sam and so I went out to the old people and played cards with them a little. I noticed Sam take a 5 minute shower and go back into his room, and I went back into his room after giving him time to change and climbed into his bed in the most innocent way. We faced each other, and he was about to say something when my mother woke me up asking if I was awake. :/ No mom, it's 5 am.
I really wanted to document that before I lost any more of it.
Oh, Cris? I wore a "Welcome to Las Vegas" shirt today, just for you. :D
- Mood:
weird
I'm really wondering if I should ask Beka if I could go with her to that Of Montreal concert tonight - if it even is tonight - because she knows it isn't necessarily my kind of music, and I don't know if I can be fucked to get my ass up and go anywhere - much less Brooklyn. Will my mom let me? I sorta just wanna hang out with her. We'll see.
I'm really upset that my school books haven't come yet. The one time I was actually inclined towards getting even a little ahead in my work, I can't. It must be fate.
Uhm, I don't know if I'm excited to go to school. Lots of pros, lots of cons, as usual. I've lost my inclination to write, all of a sudden. I think I had something of importance to say, but anything I feel like telling people I suddenly don't feel like telling every one of you, and that isn't much at all anyway.
- Location:10010
- Mood: weird
- Music:Yin Yang Twins feat Pitbull. Shake.
My day:
+I look great.
+My MP3 player continues to work like a dream.
+I've made lots of brazilian friends on soulseek and pt. somehow.
+I ate a full breakfast.
+Got my paycheck.
-My heart hurts. Eu acho que gosto dele mais que ele gosta de mim. isso mi fais sentir muito so.
-My mother is injured, I nearly cried with uneasiness as I saw her leave the house.
-My english teacher is dead. For all who knew him:
Larry Colan died yesterday afternoon at Westchester Medical Center. He had suffered a stroke and been on a ventilator for more than a week. He seems to have died very peacefully. Larry's sister is planning a small memorial service up in Putnam County next weekend, mostly for his local friends and neighbors. (It will be held on August 5th, between 2-4 p.m., at the Mahopac Funeral Home, 418 Route 6). A memorial involving Riverdale colleagues and former students is under consideration for early September.
Sorry to be the bearer of such sad news.
Joel
p.s. I'm sure I've left some people off this mailing who would want very much to know of Larry's death. Please, therefore, forward this to anyone I've inadvertently omitted, with my apologies.
I feel sick, and I really need a hug.
I got WotD. :3 http://syndicated.livejournal.com/dictio
Use it in conversation today, please.
| VoicePost 140K 0:44 | (no transcription available) |
- Location:Home on the cellphone.
- Mood:
sleep & sore.
"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."
- George Burns
11:59am. I am so pleased, I got my first support point! I'm talking football with godfathersd! I'm about to have pizza! It's friday! I get to see my dad and two of my mexican counsins today, this is ridiculous. The day is going a little slowly, though.
Pizza time! Be back.
12:36pm. So, I'm back, and still pleased. Lots of little things have been happening that make me really sad or really happy, depending on the moment. My IPod battery died because I forgot to charge it last night, so I decided to take a book on the bus because I can't stand not having anything to do (aka I need to avoid skeezy looks and close myself out to conversation). I found The Fellowship of the Ring! I read the first chapter. =) I'm wearing my pretty white skirt, and I feel really good thanks to talking to Sam for a decent amount of time this morning and last night, even though, because of it, we slept less than we should. I'm gonna email him later today. I think of him very often. I think it's creepy of me, but I can't really help it, now can I?
Pizza was good. Mushrooms and garlic for me. It was extra good because it was free!
..I'm listening to that Gimme That song for the first time.
"I got six fo's and hot bikes that I ride" -- I really visualized little Chris on a bicycle.
I'ma husLAH.
I don't ever see myself with anyone younger than me. I never have.
Is it bad that I've been itching to take quizes and surveys? I guess it's because I'm less inclined to talk about what's on my mind. Not to everyone, at least. Not to many, to be honest.
I'm also tired of arists talking at the beginning and end of their tracks. Unsigned people do this especially.
I need to start printing out some Ebooks. I really like reading on the bus. It helps me curb my inclination to stare at people on the bus. It becomes an issue when they stare back.
I'm really, really in love. Am I in too deep?
- Location:Work at Riverdale
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Omarion, Entourage
| thefirestarter's Past Lives | ||||||
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| 1172 BC: Warrior | ||||||
| 476 AD: A trophy wife | ||||||
| 1983 AD: A baker | ||||||
| 'What were you in your past lives?' at QuizGalaxy.com | ||||||
Doesn't a trophy wife mean, like, a really desirable therefore prize-like wife to whoever weds her? Hell yeah, I'm still one of those.
I'm so furious but not surprised that the US lost. :c
lolol I love the Sun commentators. "I've been hit harder by the wife!" I love the internet.
I haven't been feeling too good lately, I don't really know why yet. Moodswings. I really hope this is just PMS, I don't want to be feeling it for much longer.
I'm so hungry.
- Location:Work at Riverdale
- Mood:
anxious - Music:the end of the game.
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